#IVFis40

I can vaguely remember hearing about Louise Brown. I wasn't very old and didn't understand what it all meant but wondered why someone made the news.  Her name, of course, has come to mean so much more. She is a sign of hope for many women who wish to be a mother and a benchmark for science.

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World Childless Week. Ouch, in response to comments that hurt.

It’s a reaction that I experience a lot. In my research and continued work with Walk In Our Shoes, Childless Hour and Walking Forwards Inspiration Group I hear of many irritations with people who try to fix by making suggestions. I’ve been told to adopt, try surrogacy, offered eggs and relax to help me find peace. Silence is, for me, probably the worst response because it feels like a shared discomfort that can make me question the validity of my feelings.

I absolutely know, that until I went on this journey and experienced miscarriages and failed IVF, that I too would have not known what to say. 

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World Childless Week. Dealing with invites to baby showers and other events

I often try to put myself on the other side. If someone came up to me, some fifteen years ago (for that’s how long my journey has been), and said I can’t have children what would I have said? How could I have been kinder to that person? Would I have fixed them? Underestimated the pain and how would I have known what to do? I’m midway through a manuscript on this very subject and talking to parents and involuntary childless has been enlightening. It helps to just walk in their shoes, as we ask them to walk in ours.

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Handling those back to school pics and the royal news

Today is tough. This week is going to be tough. It's back to school week and Buckingham Palace  bring news of a third child. I hesitate to post this because if you've not seen already you know now. But I suspect you'll hear very soon as the universe places hope on happy news over the wider world which isn't a good place. But I hope that sharing it here with some advice makes that easier. 

As anyone who follows this site often maybe already knows, I don't support parent 'bashing'. I know from good friends that it's hard to bring up children, really tough and those good friends also know that I've been through a lot too. Mutual respect for the challenges we face is far far better than picking holes in each other but only through honest conversations which takes courage.

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Friday Find: Brene Brown

Self worth and value are two challenging subjects that appear often in the journey to acceptance. Having spoken with two good friends doubt their worth this past week because of difficult situations and powerful influences that would have tested anyone, it felt like an appropriate time to highlight the work of Dr Brene Brown.  

Dr Brene Brown focuses on the impact of shame, and what we can do to become what she calls “shame resilient,” where we’re able to quickly identify and dissolve shame triggers. There are so many shame triggers in loss events and our experiences of grief and the way that other people respond to our loss events and experiences of grief. Shame adds stress and suffering to grief and separates us from each other, which disconnects us from the valuable transformational and supportive power of connection and community. When we know our shame triggers and can dissolve shame experiences, then we’re always able to know what we need in our grieving journey and we can clearly communicate what we need, which enriches our relationships, giving us access to the transformational power of community.

For me, Brene Brown has a wide reach in her work that extends to many areas of life. Several women I know, who have been through infertility and find themselves adjusting to a new life, sing her praises. Undoubtedly her impact in our tribe is positive, but her work speaks to many. I find her work incredibly useful as a resource for those who wonder how best to support a friend or relative going through grief and life changes. If you're in doubt then do watch this on empathy.