Handling those back to school pics and the royal news

Today is tough. This week is going to be tough. It's back to school week and Buckingham Palace  bring news of a third child. I hesitate to post this because if you've not seen already you know now. But I suspect you'll hear very soon as the universe places hope on happy news over the wider world which isn't a good place. But I hope that sharing it here with some advice makes that easier. 

As anyone who follows this site often maybe already knows, I don't support parent 'bashing'. I know from good friends that it's hard to bring up children, really tough and those good friends also know that I've been through a lot too. Mutual respect for the challenges we face is far far better than picking holes in each other but only through honest conversations which takes courage.

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Friday Find: Brene Brown

Self worth and value are two challenging subjects that appear often in the journey to acceptance. Having spoken with two good friends doubt their worth this past week because of difficult situations and powerful influences that would have tested anyone, it felt like an appropriate time to highlight the work of Dr Brene Brown.  

Dr Brene Brown focuses on the impact of shame, and what we can do to become what she calls “shame resilient,” where we’re able to quickly identify and dissolve shame triggers. There are so many shame triggers in loss events and our experiences of grief and the way that other people respond to our loss events and experiences of grief. Shame adds stress and suffering to grief and separates us from each other, which disconnects us from the valuable transformational and supportive power of connection and community. When we know our shame triggers and can dissolve shame experiences, then we’re always able to know what we need in our grieving journey and we can clearly communicate what we need, which enriches our relationships, giving us access to the transformational power of community.

For me, Brene Brown has a wide reach in her work that extends to many areas of life. Several women I know, who have been through infertility and find themselves adjusting to a new life, sing her praises. Undoubtedly her impact in our tribe is positive, but her work speaks to many. I find her work incredibly useful as a resource for those who wonder how best to support a friend or relative going through grief and life changes. If you're in doubt then do watch this on empathy. 

 

Inspiration: interview with Kerry, organiser of We Are Many Nomos.

'm a huge fan of Kerry's work. We met through Gateway Women and she took on the epic task of organising the only conference for childless men and women in 2016... and she's doing it all over again this year. She kindly spared a few minutes of her precious time to talk to Walk In Our Shoes about the event which is being held in Birmingham on Saturday 14th October, 2017.

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Inspiration: joining forces

If the battle for IVF funding divides us which it did this week, then finding our friends can unite us. I make no secret about how much I admire the work of those who frequently stand up in much higher profile places that I do, and talk about their journey.  The article in the paper and the video have exposed my story more than I anticipated. The comments were unnerving although not unexpected and nothing I hadn't heard before. It's merely a public extension of what I know many of us experience in daily life. But it still hurts.

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Twitter chat

This is very exciting! Post IVF World, We Are Many Nomos, Childless Voice, Voice of Infertility are all getting together with Walk In Our Shoes to do a Twitter chat tomorrow at 8pm BST! It's friendly, fun and a great way to learn about each other and we hope you too! If we can trend then we'd be delighted. Please do join us and share this post far and wide, and come along. Free feel to ask any questions too. 

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Inspirational wellness: why Walk?

If 30,000 women are seeking IVF treatment annually, and the sector is worth £500million, there should be a voice that provides a space that shows the next steps and unites us. A space that is a safe space for one in ten couples who struggle to conceive to speak out. A resource that could help one in five women who will remain childless through circumstance for life, put across their thoughts? Words which can be shared to explain why ‘just adopt’ is not a simple process, and can be open to all genders? My proposal was to use design to provide a social solution and so this is Walk In Our Shoes.

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IVF funding cuts

There is an assumption that IVF is a luxury and this has been said to me many times. That children are not essential for living. For us, a luxury is a holiday, a nice meal out or a concert. Luxury is not handing over the best part of my bank balance, raging headaches from hormone treatment, bruised skin from 120 injections or spending two weeks panic stricken waiting for a positive pregnancy test that may never come. Children are not essential we agree, but solutions to painful infertility problems and the option to be try to be a parent are an ethical right and surely have been since IVF was created.

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Turning a negative comment into a positive

I do my best, as I am sure you all do, to find a balance. One of the inspirations behind Walk In Our Shoes is a best friend who is a mum and has been a constant support, in fact we've had a few posts in our gallery that talk about the relationship between those who are involuntary childless and parents and in the main, I genuinely believe that parents do understand more than we think.

And then there are those who don't.

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